Just Do You

This year, I've decided to challenge myself to complete a list of 31 things that will challenge, inspire, and renew me. I hope you'll let me know that you're following my adventures by clicking on the link to the left that says "Join this site" or by entering your email. I appreciate having you here and always read every comment!

I'm in the midst of reading my second book as part of my 31 Things... List. This one is called "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin.

To be honest, it was a little hard for me to get into another book for a few reasons. In January, when I first began my small adventure of compiling a list of things to accomplish, I was already in the midst of reading Brene Brown's "Daring Greatly". To say this book had a profound impact on me is putting it mildly. Reading through that book was like searching for a splinter; you poke and prod around a localized pain, until finally - "Got it!" It was painful, but ultimately freeing.

Reading "Daring Greatly", with its honest assessment of the effects of guilt and shame on our decision-making and self image, was like receiving a life evaluation and having to face up to all that stuff I'd been hoping to keep hidden. Basically, it was an intense experience for me and contributed, in part, to my making the 31 Things... List in the first place.

So really, to be honest - poor Gretchen Rubin. It isn't her fault that I had just had this huge life awakening! It took me a couple months of building up my nerve to even crack another book for two reasons - 1) how could it possibly measure up to the first book and 2) how would I survive if it did!
Lucky for us all, this book has a different tone and approach, and it doesn't feel quite as intense (which, in this case, is a good thing). The idea behind the book is basically that we can all be happier. And through a number of her own systems and hours of research, Ms. Rubin is able to walk us through her own year of The Happiness Project.

I am in a kind of pendulum phase of happiness at the moment. I'm a naturally extroverted person, with a certain degree of trust issues, in the midst of a somewhat isolating time. I've been working to combat that by staying in regular communication with my "inner circle" of friends and family, and by listening to my own sense of boundary-setting in new relationships. I also tend to want an unhealthy amount of recognition, like the "gold stars" Ms. Rubin admits to needing. The day-to-day reality of that massive stew of dysfunction is that I float in and out of happiness depending on how well I'm listening to myself that day.

Maybe the number one thing I've been taking out of the book so far is Ms. Rubin's first rule of happiness - Be Gretchen. Or in my case, Be Katy.

Last summer I came to Detroit for a week to volunteer at Cass Community Social Services, not knowing it would soon become my home, and while I was there spent time with a volunteer supervisor named Willie. Whenever Willie would give one of us a task, we'd always want more direction, to which Willie always replied - Just do you!

How should we stack these cans, Willie?
Just do you!

Do you care if we clean out this back cabinet?
Just do you!

Cheese first or bologna?
Yep - do you!

I loved this about Willie, because it reminded me that we can get really lost in the details. Am I doing it right? Is someone noticing what a good thing I'm doing? Will I get my gold star? What if I don't do it perfectly?

But Willie was more interested in the big picture. He let go of control to serve the bigger need, and allowed us to have a deeper impact by being ourselves. Even now, after I've shared that story with other colleagues, I often say or hear someone say: Just do you. And I'm reminded to let down those walls of perfectionism or fear that I'm not enough, and to instead lead from my own strengths.

So I'm trying to take that advice to heart at the moment. Trying not to fill my days with fear of failure - I even picked up one of The Happiness Project's sayings: "failure is fun!" I'm working at taking chances that could have big rewards, without worrying overmuch about their chances of flopping. I'm trusting myself to discern and make decisions in the moment, knowing that worrying is really only affecting my stress level and not creating solutions.

And at the beginning and middle and end of each day, I try to check in - are you being Katy? And if not, well, let's say it together - Just do you.