July 8 - 9, 2008 -- Onward!

I just said to Stephanie that I should probably update my journal now that things are good…. Otherwise, it’s sure to look like everything is awful and horrible. We’re both very un-mission-trippy, sitting here on our laptop computers, accessing wireless internet in our dorm-style “hotel” room. This is a new location after leaving our apartment in Krakow—with its IKEA furnished rooms and our own bathroom.

Actually, none of us actually knows where we are. Somewhere outside of Zakopane is our best guess. We arrived yesterday afternoon a couple hours before the Polish campers did and got our bearings, etc. Yesterday was a pretty stress-free day since we weren’t really responsible for anything. Today we started our “teaching” responsibilities… although even that hasn’t really begun. We decided to start out as one large group and held a variety of activities during our time together. Altogether the kids crafted and reasoned and finished:

Puzzle cross – favorite things were written on each piece, with their name in the center. (Stephanie)
Name acrostic – each letter in their first name (or nickname) was used in words to describe themselves somehow. (Katy)
Information card – a basic card with name, city, family info., etc. (Mark)
Photos and frames – each student had a photo taken and then decorated a foam picture frame. (Allan)
Tie-dye shirts – we provided plain white tees to be tie-dyed using dye in squirt bottles, outside of course. (Becky)
Assessments – a necessary process, campers were interviewed and graded on their English language ability in order to be put into appropriate class groupings. (Adam & Karen)

I was really happy with the “station” I covered because I got a really good idea of who the kids are. Their grasp of English varies from person to person a great deal. Surprisingly, one side effect of being overseas and with ESL speakers is that I find myself often thinking in French or Italian. I didn’t expect that to be an issue, but as my empathy kicks in I’m losing some of my English.

Truth be told, I kind of like it because it means I still have a lot of those languages in me. All other traveling I’ve done has involved trying to learn the language of where I am. This is the first experience of trying NOT to use the native language of a country. I will probably digest that issue some more and write about it later, because from the beginning I have had some reservations. It is more a political issue than a church mission issue, but it bothers me to come into another culture with the opinion that our “mission” is to put our language and culture upon them. Underlying all of it seems to be this idea that to succeed in life, no matter where in the world you are from, you should be at least able to conform to American standards, practices and culture. Oh well. So much for writing about it later.

Even with that, I am looking forward to my time here. If it were just to have a break from the craziness of work, it would be worthwhile. After today, I am sure that it will be much more than just a break. I am beginning to feel that I have unique things to offer to some of these kids. Because of my own struggles learning different languages and because I have communicated with ESL speakers often throughout my life. I am excited to see what becomes of my time here.

July 7, 2008 (technically) – No pain, no gain!

I should be asleep in bed, particularly because I have a headache probably due to a lack of sunscreen today. However, it seems to be the night for staying up late since we aren’t leaving for camp until around 10:30 tomorrow.

Picking up where I left off, I am feeling better (headache aside) and slightly more capable of life. I took a little time “off” and walked around alone which was really needed. Perhaps this is strange, but I still felt like I was walking too fast and stopping too often but I also didn’t care about it. With no one else with me I lost that sense of comparison.

Anyway, on my walk, I ended up at a nice park near a cathedral and all the old architectural details that go along with that. It was wonderfully fabulous of course and I took pictures of statues and buildings and this fantastic stone wall along the side of the walkway. It all reminds me of Italy and I find myself translating into Italian in my head a lot. Which is of no use to me at all of course, since I’m in Poland.

July 6, 2008 – Cry baby.

Well, I can’t say things are any more bright and sunny now, although the night’s sleep did help my feet. They were much less stiff this morning, but it still looks to me like a different pair of feet is attached to my legs.

Being a Sunday, today we went to Piotyr’s church, which was a lengthy walk. I can’t say it was much different than the walk from home to school in Florence, but yet again I am assured of how out of shape I am.

The beginning of this trip has so far been a humbling experience. I love traveling and have done enough in my life that I was so sure of myself on this trip. How the mighty have fallen. Instead of being in my element, I am decidedly out of it and down the street from it. I’m reverting to those high school days when walking behind the group meant feeling you weren’t cared for or noticed or important. And even though I am cared for in this group, I still feel like I’m more of a nuisance than a contributing group member.

True to the heart of the trip, however, I am trying very hard to hear God through my complaining. Yesterday, as I was laying flat on my back with my feet up, I had a very distinctive “I want my Mommy” moment. I wanted to cry and curl up and feel sorry for myself and I wanted everyone else to feel sorry for me too. I wanted for no one to want to go into town and for everything around me to stop. And maybe also for someone to fetch me water and chocolate. Of course, that’s not what happened. People did want to go into town and I was left all alone with my bad attitude and stupid fat feet.

Okay, I know that doesn’t really sound like an effort at discerning God’s voice. But as I was having my Mommy-moment, I thought about being a child and all the behavior and emotion that goes with it. I thought, Here I am, the big, bad world traveler. Here I am, wiping off the sweat and tears and pride from my face. Here I am, humbled and hurting and wanting. And I am reminded that at my weakest is when I am often at my worst. I am more selfish and petty and I try so hard—in all the wrong ways—to look better than I am.

So yes, here I am. I have swollen feet and big puffy hair from the heat. And here I am, with 5 band-aids covering a slice in my arm from where I ran into the corner of breaker box… after choking on communion wine. Still, despite the bitching and moaning, and occasional thoughts to the contrary, here is where I am and here is where I want to be. Well, maybe that’s not entirely the truth, but here is definitely where I want to want to be.

(But for the record: Preferably without the marshmallow feet.)

July 4 – Happy Independence Day… good-bye work, hello mission.

In this, my version of a journal, I guess I would classify the days leading up to leaving for Poland as chaotic with a touch of insanity. Somehow I thought I would easily be able to clean my house, do my laundry, sort and pack my clothes, and finish all my work for while I’m gone. I know… kind of dumb. I was able to do a lot of those things, but most of it was a half-assed job.

I’m sure there are things I forgot to let people know about at work, I packed more than I need and I may have left laundry in the dryer. At least I know my cats are being fed … but I think I forgot to tell my landlord that someone will be there. 

As for the trip itself—well… I think I may be in a “mood” or maybe it’s just coming off of at least six weeks of crazy workdays. Anyway, I feel basically like crap. And worse, I’ve felt that way almost the whole way here. I feel too old to hang out with the youth and too young to have anything in common with the older adults. I feel like I packed way too much for me to handle, which makes me feel in the way and left behind at the same time. On the planes I feel fidgety and too fat for the seats. 

And speaking of the plane ride, I’ve had an interestingly awful experience this trip. My feet have ballooned and swelled to at least 1 ½ to two times their size. It is horribly uncomfortable and even though I’ve now been off the plane for … … almost 8 hours, my feet are still swollen. My prayer, my wish, and my plea is for them to be back to normal tomorrow. As it is, they are a constant, painful reminder of how out-of-shape I am and how easy it is to feel left out. 

Tomorrow we are planning to go to the Krakow salt mines. This involves walking down a seemingly unending flight of stairs at the bottom of which you begin exploring this underground mini-city. If my feet are still the size of footballs, I don’t see how it will be possible for me to go. It makes me want to cry. It’s not the thought of the salt mines in particular, but just the feeling of being unable to do something because of my own physical condition. 

Somewhere deep inside it feels like this is what I deserve because of choices I’ve made and things I’ve done to my body. That doesn’t make me want to cry any less. I also feel like I’m being whiny or that I’m blowing things out of proportion, but the truth is—I have never seen my ankles & feet looking the way they do now. If I were at home, I would probably be seeing a doctor. I’m feeling a little scared… and praying, wishing and pleading for the lesson to be made clear and the pain to go on its way.

Stephanie and Becky explore the neighborhood...

In the main city square...

Some church I found?

In Krakow... the street where our weekend apartment was...