Wanting.

You know what I want?
I want family.
I mean a big family.
I want a ‘talking over each other at the dinner table’ kind of family;
a ‘hair pulling cause you looked at me funny,
but I’d still kick the ass of any little kid that messed with you on the playground’
kind of family.
I want a home and a house and a life where God is known by name and love is lived out loud.

And even when you laugh at me because I want more kids than I can count on one hand,
I hold tight to my dream.
And I outright reject the thought that this is too idealistic because some sense of societal norm makes it so.

Still, another year has passed by without the whisper of a turning page
and I am almost ‘at that age’ as they say,
so for now I still wait.

It just seems like so much of my life is spent waiting
and wasting away
on the next job or next man or next plan for my life
which is happening still in the midst of it all
but I –
I crave the brink.

Makes me think:
But what of right now?

I was once told that before you’re an us, you’re a one.
And I shouldn’t squander one bit of my time.
Because soon enough I would be entwined with ours and not just mine.
So I guess I’ll be selfish with time;
trying to be a little more slow
and grow
and come to know God as only I can right now.
Truths I find? Those are mine alone,
between this one single young female and her God.

So just as God loves me
whom He dreamed up and designed
before I ever saw life in this time,
I will keep my own dreams of love and life and family.
And I will keep waiting.
Waiting with thankfulness that God will guide and protect my heart.

I can make this vow,
this vow, right now:
I am His and He is mine—
for life’s best and its worst;
when I fall and when I rise up.
In moments of richness and times of such deep soul poverty.
Until my death and through all things.

I make this one vow,
this vow, right now:
I will live and love.
And I'll wait.

Although—
it doesn't mean I wouldn't date.