SWF Seeking Self

Has it really been TWO MONTHS since I wrote an entry? ...I am shamed. It'd be appropriate to say life's been crazy and all that, but it's not really an honest excuse. I just haven't been taking much time out for things like self-expression and introspection. For that I actually am ashamed. And the toil it's taken on my life and my body and my surroundings is bad, bad, bad.

I read an article recently that talked about speaking self-affirmations everyday and have decided I might take it up: "I am responsible. I deserve a good life." It was surprisingly difficult to come up with the shortest line(s) that would encompass the most. Really I was thinking about the mess in my house and was trying to come up with a positive, affirming way of saying: "Stop being an irresponsible pig." That is definitely not affirming. Anyway, we'll see how it works out.

What I am NOT feeling these days is empowered. I seem unable to accomplish things or maybe just unable to acknowledge the few things I do accomplish. In conversations, I've done some complaining of post-holiday blues, which is probably true. Although, I doubt if it's the only thing that's going on. It mostly goes back to the lack of spending time with me.

One of my current favorite movies is Sex and the City, which will always have a special corner of my heart because of the amazing times I've spent with girlfriends watching episode after episode. Towards the end of the movie [spoiler alert!] Samantha breaks up with Smith and gives as a reason the thing that "you're never supposed to say." She's been in a great relationship with him for a number of years, but she's been in a relationship with HER for much longer and THAT is the one that needs work.

I guess that's how I feel right now -- that I'm neglecting myself in a pursuit for something "else" or worse, for nothing at all. If I weren't kind of stuck being me, I would definitely break up with me.

This isn't the tone that I usually choose for this blog, but I figured putting down what's going on right now is some small piece of an explanation for the gap in entries. Maybe I'll buckle down and write something with purpose soon. Stay tuned!